Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
