you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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