Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
