saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
