It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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