Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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