she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
