alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
