We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
