he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
