dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
