Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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