She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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