i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
