i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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