There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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