Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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