just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
