Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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