Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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