I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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