So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
