Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
