therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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