How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
