I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
