it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
