Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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