Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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