why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
