You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
