Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
