Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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