How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
