Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
