not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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