it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
