weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
