the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he puts the penis in happiness.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
