I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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