So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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