I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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