thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this just has baby written all over it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
