What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
