sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
