We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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