I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
