at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
