How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
