she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
