I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
