There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
